Craig’s Tall Tales | Stories Behind His Unique Picture Frames

Tall Tales: Craig’s Stories Behind His Unique Picture Frames

The Legends of Craig’s Wood-Hunting Odysseys, and How His Unique Wood Frames Are Made.

It is strongly suspected that these tales are not entirely true… You’ll have to judge for yourself…



willow picture frame 6x8


Diamond Willow Frame 8×10

This rather unusual frame was made with so much love that it will melt if exposed to direct sunlight for any substantial length of time.

Just kidding. It is made entirely from wood.

The wood is from a beaver dam I ran into with my pirate ship, while cruising for damsels.





Diamond Willow Wood 8×12 Picture Frame8x12 picture frame diamond willow wood


Another quite unusual frame. This diamond willow wood 8×12 frame actually sounds really good when you bang on it with a frozen wiener.

You know what else sounds good when you bang on it? A drum!

Actually, my drumming style has been likened (by me) to, “Blistering, ear-spanking thunder-bombs, slamming thru your skull like a barrage of rapid-fire sledgehammers tempered in the fires of Mordor, yet with the textured finesse and artful nuance of an octopus doing Tai Chi.



Driftwood 6×8 Picture Frame

This is a favorite driftwood frame.

I ran out of sand paper halfway through finishing this one, and had to rub the wood against a speaker playing a recording of a Bonnie Tyler song.

I might start putting a “Made in Canada” tag on these, just so nobody would suspect they just grow wild, in somewhere like Kathmandu, or Arkansas.

Actually, the wood in this unique frame was imported from a country that only I know about.



8×12 Custom Picture Frame- Driftwood 

The profits from the sale of this frame will be donated to a charity called “frame-makers with burned-out table saw motors”. I am the founder and only known member of this organization, so far.

Burned out table saw motors affect everyone.

Please. Make a difference.

Think of the children…



8×12 Custom Made Frame – Root Wood

I really liked this root wood frame. I have a photo of my beloved pet baby that would have looked great in it.

I wasn’t going to sell it, but I was forced at gun-point by illegal Norwegian nihilist vegans to sell it to them – at a discount, no less!




Unique Photo Frame, Indeed – Driftwood 5×7

The wood from which this unique photo frame was made was once from a tree near an old fire hall that partially burnt down, before it became driftwood. The wood, that is. Not the fire hall.

Ok, not really, but wouldn’t that be ironic?

Yes it would, Alanis Morissette, unlike anything in your song

By the way, the most excellently ironic thing that ever happened to me was tripping over a danger sign. That is ironic!

Okay, but get this: I was walking through a hospital at the time! 

That actually is a true story.



Custom Wood Frames – 8×10

The wood in this frame is from Cochrane, Alberta, where I once lived.

Actually, I five-times lived there. It kept sucking me back.

On a totally unrelated note, I would like to say that God does not believe in atheists.




Willow Wood Custom Made Frame 11×14

This 11×14 frame is called “Reclaimed”, because:

The frame was stolen from my shop, and fortunately, I was able (through a bit of investigative gleaning) to deduce who the thief was (because as well as being an artisan, photographer, creek pirate, Samurai warrior and fighter jet pilot, I am also a certified private detective) and, with the aid of a fake, but very real looking water pistol (yes, it wasn’t even a real water pistol, but it looked like a real .44 Magnum), I was able to “re-claim” this particular frame.




Diamond Willow Wood Frame 8×10

This frame was very special to me.

I forget why…






Unique Frame – Driftwood 8×10

A building on the beach from which the wood for this frame was harvested once housed a very secret and special species of animal. It’s breeders paired up–believe it or not–a sea lion… and a chicken.

The animal was bred for it’s meat, but ironically, unlike most obscure meats, it tasted nothing like chicken.

Nor did it taste like sea lion. In fact, it had a flavor much like pygmy marmoset, which, as you know, is delicious, but a little greasy.




Dark Willow Wood Photo Frame 5×7

I recently found out that using a chainsaw left-handed (they only make right-handed ones) is EXTREMELY dangerous.

WOW. To think of all those hundreds of times I nearly shredded myself into a pile of bloody carnage, or cut a bunch of passers-by’s heads off!!



Dark Driftwood Frame 5×7

A couple years ago, I was smack in the middle of fighting pirates on the mighty Fraser River in Western British Columbia, when I reached for a soggy, grey

stock of wood as the only thing within my reach to replace the sword knocked out of my hand by the last remaining salty, one-eyed sea-bandit I hadn’t sent overboard, crying.

He had his own steely, gleaming weapon poised at my jugular, foot pressed against my chest, growling raucously down at me the word “ARE!”.

I managed to retort with a hoarsely discordant, “ARE NOT!!” and whacked him over the head with the very piece of wood that the frame you are looking at was made from, knocking him overboard and saving the lovely damsel-maiden who happened to be there and in some kind of distress.

Together, we returned all of the plunder to the townspeople, and lived blissfully-ever-onward, intermittently, before it all went bitterly sideways and now I am alone, penniless and bitter.

I am presently hoping to get hit by a bus, or contract some kind of painless, but terminal disease.



5×7 Picture Frame – Diamond Willow Wood

My ex-dog (she still lives with my ex-wife) once seemed to suggest that I refer to the wood in these frames as “Re-purposed”.

She seemed to say, “…because it’s purpose used to be to hold leaves, but now it is to hold pictures”.

What a weirdo. Good riddance.




Unique Shaped Picture Frames – Root Wood 5×7 King Kong Frame

I know it sounds very unlikely, but I nearly glued my cat to a Jehovah’s Witness while assembling this frame.

I have got to learn to be more careful…

King Kong is excitedly hanging off of this one, if you squint a bit.







Unique Root Wood 8×10 Frame

You won’t believe it, but this custom frame, along with a couple other of my more unique shaped picture frames, was built completely by accident.





Blonde Wood 5×7 Custom Frame

I love this frame.

It was initially appraised at 122,999.oo, but I had to reduce the price nearly a thousand per cent, before it finally sold.

Stupid communism.


Real Barn Wood 8×10 Picture Frame

I try to use natural, environmentally friendly materials whenever possible. This frame was made partially out of soy and stained with recycled rhubarb juice.

The wood in this particular handmade wood picture frame is often referred to as “Barn wood”. It obviously comes from Barn wood trees, but are they called that because they grow near barns, or something?

Well anyway, who cares.



Red Wood 8×10 Frame

No animals were harmed during the making of this frame. Unless you consider children animals, and want to count the possible mental trauma the neighbors’ kids suffered, as a result of all my profane screaming and hollering.

Oh, and chasing them down the street with a 2×4.

They were bothering me while I was trying to work.

They’re fine.




Handmade Wooden Picture Frames – 8×12

I always try to be as environmentally conscious as possible in the crafting of these handmade wooden picture frames. For instance, I imagined eating crickets for a second while working on this one. Then my cow burped and reminded me that I still had a half-eaten cheeseburger in the fridge.

Also, this frame was sanded with the face of an unshaven neo-hippie, and stained with that Ocasio Cortez girl’s bulls*#t.



Dark Wood 8×10 Picture Frame

All three of the obligatory fluids of noble drudgery were secreted while fashioning another driftwood frame (not this particular diamond willow wood 8×10 picture frame – I just like this one better):

Blood, sweat and tears were all secreted that day.

Blood, because I stabbed myself in the thumb with a chisel.

Sweat, simply because it was July in the Okanagan region of British Columbia at the time.

And tears, because of stabbing myself with a chisel (which alone would not likely have brought tears, but a Tammy Wynette song happened to be playing right at that moment).





Diamond Willow Wood Handmade Wooden Picture Frame 8×10

While working on this 8×10 willow wood frame, I found myself thinking a lot about trees, as I often do, and how there are so many things about the life of a tree that parallel our own human lives.

I wish I had remembered some of them, because at the moment I can’t think of a single one. All I can think about are cookies.


10 thoughts on “Craig’s Tall Tales | Stories Behind His Unique Picture Frames”

  1. Oh my gosh,I just love these picture frames so much, so much better than the classic ones, really! I have a home made of wood and strawbales and these would fit perfectly into my home. I love using natural materials for decoration or objects found in nature. If I could I would even have bookshelves made in this way haha. Nice work!

  2. As much as I prefer the more classic frames these wood ones look fabulous. Surely if I had a picture that would look nice in such a frame I wouldn’t mind to go for one. They add so much style. It’s like they want to tell their own personal story. And definitely some of them are eye catchers.

  3. These are wonderful explanations about the wood.  I have a piece of land with a beaver dam on it, but I do not have a pirate ship.  I would love to get a frame from driftwood.  My father, 60 years ago made beautiful driftwood lamps with  polished stone bases.  Unfortunately, other family members have them all.  I would love to have a driftwood frame in the same tradition of this lamps.  Again, I am going to book mark this site as the need for family gifts comes up.  I hope that which each piece bought, the story accompanies.

    • You probably don’t have a pirate ship because you’re not a pirate. Some people think all they need to do is get a pirate ship and they’re suddenly a pirate. It doesn’t work that way. You also need a parrot and an eye patch. Also a penchant for plundering is essential. 

      I would like to see your father’s lamps. 

      If you purchase a driftwood frame, I will attach a story for you! It probably won’t be true, but it will likely be more interesting than the real story…

  4. Hey Craig, these picture frames look often and I love that you have a story for each of them! I myself am from and live in Calgary, so it’s awesome to find someone else who was living close by. I must say, these picture frames would look amazing in log cabins. I know a few that have log cabins and am looking to buy one soon as well which means I’ll certainly be coming back for these picture frames. Thank you for writing these tall tales!

    • Hey, neighbor! Do me a favor and buy me a log cabin while you’re at it.

      Thanks for visiting, and for your comments. Maybe we’ll run into each other on 17th Avenue or something…:)

  5. Hey thanks for some interesting tales about the Wooden frames. They definitely sound like tall tales to me!

    its a cool way of presenting the unique frames. 

    Any one of them would look amazing in a home bar, if you are looking for a unique piece of art..

    Take care and good luck.

    Matt h


Leave a Comment